playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
