i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
