She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
