There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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