there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
