that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
