i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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