I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
