Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
