My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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