I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
