ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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