i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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