I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
