I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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