I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
