Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
