are you still at the devil's house?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
