Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
