we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
