I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
