p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you had me at cake vodka
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
