you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
