Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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