I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
