well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
