But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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