When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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