ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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