omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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