nut hugger
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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