I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
