if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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