i think my mom watched the whole time
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
