When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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