dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
