everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
