Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
