I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
