im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
