Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
