do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
