We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
