Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
