You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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