At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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