he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
