I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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