Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
