I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
