Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
